to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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