we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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