is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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