ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
