the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
