I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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