Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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