I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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