Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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