i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
