I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
