Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
