Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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