i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
