I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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