God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
