My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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