Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
