On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
id be glad to
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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