Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
