you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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