Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
