So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
