I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
