he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
