We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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