Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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