She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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