You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
