so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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