Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
