why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
