Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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