You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You made out with two different species that night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
