The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
