Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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