i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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