I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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