How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
