I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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