all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
