we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
