apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
