why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
