I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
