Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize