im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
