I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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