i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
