I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
