just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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