I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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