I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
