Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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