im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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